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Sine · Objavljeno: 08 Sep 2008 10:16 Naslov sporočila: Črni

zelim umreti mirno, v spanju, kot moj dedek…

nikakor pa ne v paniki, kot potniki na njegovem avtobusu…
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ČE STISNEMO PEST, NE MOREMO POBOŽATI!

Čukica · Pridružen/-a: 04.11. 2006, 19:20 Prispevkov: 2810

Morbiden

Dorje · Pridružen/-a: 14.11. 2006, 10:13 Prispevkov: 4904

Sine · Objavljeno: 09 Sep 2008 11:36 Naslov sporočila:

Ta je svinjski! Ali pa vsaj svinjsko dober! Applause

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ČE STISNEMO PEST, NE MOREMO POBOŽATI!

Čukica · Pridružen/-a: 04.11. 2006, 19:20 Prispevkov: 2810

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

... Pa bohseusmili, kje hodi Zho, da prilepi kaj takega, da se bomo lahko smejali? ...

Čuki, hudo poletje je za mano. Oženil sem prvega od sinov (sicer najmlajšega) in dobil sem prvega vnučka, pravzaprav vnukinjo. Ker je mamica primorka, sem torej postal NONO! Pa še naša živalska družina je pridobila novega člana - kozliča himalajca.
Vrag je torej odnesel šalo in skrajni čas je, da se zresnim. Nono, ki šale trosi po forumu, pa kje si še slišala kaj tacega? Marš v cerkev pa na pokoro mislit!

Da pa se malce oddolžim za daljšo pauzo, prilagam daljše pismo komitenta banke iz ZDA, ki je vodstvo banke tako nadušilo, da ga je objavilo v New York Timesu. LP!

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it.

To this end, please be advised about the following changes.

I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application for Authorized Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my
account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours. My Authorized Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice.

Press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me
2. To query a missing payment
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone in case I am not at home
7. To leave a message on my computer [to leave a message a password to access my computer is required: the password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and listen carefully to options 1 through 7
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The Authorized Contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration. This month I've chosen a refrain from "The Best of Woody Guthrie":
"Oh, the banks are made of marble, with a guard at every door, and the vaults are filled with silver, that the miners sweated for."
After twenty minutes of that, our mutual Contact will probably know it by heart.

On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost, a cost which you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back. First, there is the matter of advertising material you send me. This I will read for a fee of $20 per page.

Inquiries from your Authorized Contact will be billed at $5 per minute of my time spent in response. Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonored check, will be passed back to you.

My new phone service runs at 75 cents a minute (even Woody Guthrie doesn't come for free), so you would be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of 2% of my balance or $50 (whichever is more) to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous, New Year?

Your humble client…

Čukica · Pridružen/-a: 04.11. 2006, 19:20 Prispevkov: 2810

enzrovt · Pridružen/-a: 18.03. 2008, 20:14 Prispevkov: 4154

@ zho ... saj bi nalimal smeskote, ce ne bi blo to tko prekleto zalostno .. kolk smo se jim pustil nabrisat ...

(aja, cestitke .. ceprav, po pravic, jst vseen upam da sam se ne bom prav hitro dedek .. tamau naj najprej fax konca .. Pomezik

)

enzrovt · Pridružen/-a: 18.03. 2008, 20:14 Prispevkov: 4154

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Obema se lepo zahvaljujem za prijazne besede. Čeprav razpravljamo v rubriki šale, ob takih prilikah ne moreš mimo tega, da začutiš lastno minljivost, pa tudi dragocenost prijaznih soljudi.
Nekako se privajam na to, da spim z babico, ona pa z dedkom. Pa tudi, da sva postala tast in tašča. Česa človek vse ne doživi in prenese v življenju!

No, slikanje bioloških dejstev ob porodu se mi zdi nekoliko mimo. Jaz sem navadno pobegnil na službeno pot (sram me bilo)...

mala malca · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 04:56 Prispevkov: 17767

enzrovt · Pridružen/-a: 18.03. 2008, 20:14 Prispevkov: 4154

in kaj je blo tko groznga?

mala malca · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 04:56 Prispevkov: 17767

mala malca · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 04:56 Prispevkov: 17767

enzrovt · Pridružen/-a: 18.03. 2008, 20:14 Prispevkov: 4154

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