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Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Imamo prijatelja Američana, poročenega z Avstrijko, ki živi na Dunaju. Sam si je zadal nalogo, ki jo pridno izpolnjuje že dalj časa - to je, da svojim prijateljem vsak dan pošlje vsaj eno šalo. Sicer zelo prijazen možak, a je tudi an majhen "pacek". Sicer so med njimi tudi že kake stare, a vendar - možno se jim je smejati.
Naj poskusim deliti nekatere od njih še s člani ODF.

Tole je njegov današnji vic:

This week we celebrate a special birthday.
Monica Lewinsky turned 31 this week.
Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was a suckling crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
They grow up so fast.

NATAWE · Objavljeno: 21 Nov 2006 23:20 Naslov sporočila:

_________________

Ko bo posekano zadnje drevo, zastrupljena zadnja reka, ulovljena zadnja riba, takrat boste spoznali, da denarja ne morete jesti!

Bushi no ichigon!

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Georgeov današnji vic - nekoliko oguljen, a morda uporaben za ponavljanje angleščine (nezahtevni nivo):

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive".
How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

Čukica · Pridružen/-a: 04.11. 2006, 19:20 Prispevkov: 2810

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Čuki, prav za prijateljstvo in prijateljstva gre. Težakov je itak cel svet že poln in resnici si vesel, če imaš enega manj in žalosten, če se ti prilepi nov. Za prijatelja velja ravno obratno - saj mi ni treba spraševati če se strinjaš ?

Po današnjem njegovem "vicu" sodeč, George le ni tak pujsek, kot bi človek sodil na prvi pogled:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

George ne mara zime

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Trije razlogi zakaj George ne mara zime:

Nakako mi ne uspe priključiti sličic k tekstu.

cobra · Pridružen/-a: 06.11. 2006, 20:59 Prispevkov: 2608

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

TU SO GEORGE-OVI TRIJE RAZLOGI ZAKAJ NE MARA ZIME

prvi razlog

drugi in tretji razlog

PS.: originalnih Georgeovih slik ni bilo mogoče prilepiti, najti je bilo treba nekaj primernega na netu ...

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Danes pa je naš prijatelj uporabil nemščino - morda pa ga je k temu spodbudila njegova boljša polovica?!

Von Frauen für Frauen
(die Männer dürfen‘s auch lesen, aber verstehen werden sie‘s wahrscheinlich nicht…)

Warum sind verheiratete Frauen dicker als Singles?
Singles kommen nach Hause, schauen nach, was in ihren Kühlschrank ist und gehen ins Bett.
Verheiratete Frauen kommen nach Hause, schauen nach, was in ihrem Bett ist - und gehen zum Kühlschrank.

Der Mann fragte Gott: "Warum hast du die Frau so schön gemacht?“
Dazu Gott: "Damit Du sie liebst".
Dazu wieder der Mann: "Und warum hast du sie so dumm gemacht?"
Darauf Gott: "Damit sie Dich liebt!"

Hirntod und Herztod sitzen auf der Friedhofsmauer und streiten sich, welcher der bessere Tod ist. Schließlich ...
Herztod: „Paß auf, ich zeig‘s Dir. Da kommt eine alte Frau!“
Er schnippte mit dem Finger, und die Frau war sofort tot.
Hirntod: „Paß auf, ich zeig Dir, daß ich der Bessere bin. Schau, da kommt ein Mann!“
Er schnippte mit dem Finger und schnippte und schnippte…

Was ist mutig?
Wenn ein Mann in der Badehose in die Oper geht.
Was ist übermütig?
Wenn der Mann die Badehose an der Garderobe abgibt.
Und was ist schlagfertig?
Wenn die Garderobenfrau fragt: "Wollen Sie den Knirps auch abgeben?"

Warum reiben Frauen sich morgens beim Aufwachen die Augen?
Weil sie keine Hoden haben.

Welches ist der deprimierendste Augenblick im Leben eines Mannes?
Wenn er eine Erektion hat, gegen eine Wand läuft und sich dabei das Nasenbein bricht ...

Warum können Frauen so schlecht schätzen?
Weil Männer immer behaupten, ihr kleines Anhängsel wäre 30 cm lang!

Drei Worte, die das Ego eines jeden Mannes zerstören: Ist er drin?

Am besten sucht Frau sich einen Mann mit Piercing. Er kann Schmerzen ertragen und hat schon mal Schmuck gekauft.

Ehemann: „ MAL Lust auf einen Quicki ?“
Ehefrau : „ Im Gegensatz zu was ? „

Was halten Männer für ein exzessives Vorspiel?
Eine halbe Stunde Betteln.

Widersprich nie einem Mann!
Warte einen kurzen Augenblick. Dann tut er es selbst!

Was ist der Beweis dafür, dass Märchen frei erfunden sind?
Weil der Prinz immer ein intelligenter, gutaussehender Single ist.

Ein Mann steht vor dem Spiegel und sagt: "Ein paar Zentimeter mehr und ich wäre ein König."
Seine Frau: "Ein paar Zentimeter weniger und du wärst eine Königin!"

Warum machen Frauen so wenige Männerwitze?
Sie sind eben tierlieb...

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Danes nam je namenil angleško - jidiški jezikovni izziv. Tudi nemščina lahko pomaga - Jidiš is gor ništ asoj švver!

In case you need a new computer: I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers!
They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low even with the shipping from Israel. I bought one. I've been using it now for several weeks and highly recommend it. However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:

- The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go!! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
- I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.
- The cursor moves from right to left.
- When Spellchecker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you can do?"
- When I look at erotic images, my computer says, "If your mother knew you did this, she would die."
- It comes with a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises it gets rid of all the "schmutz und dreck."
- When running "Scan Disk" it prompts with me with a "You want I should fix this?" message.
- After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen."
- The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday.
- It comes with two hard drives--one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
- Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets "Ferklempt."
- The multimedia player has been renamed, "Nu, so play my music already!"
- Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
- When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Vey."
- Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
- When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchis."
- After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
- But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get Spam

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Tudi danes nas George ni pozabil. Tu je zgodbica:

How to Choose a Bra

What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”
“What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
“Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?”
“Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied: “There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?”
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

o The Catholic type supports the masses.
o The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
o The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
o The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.”

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed:

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra. Holtzemfromfloppen!

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

Bragging Fathers

Four Friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multi-millionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. He hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two w eeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

Čukica · Pridružen/-a: 04.11. 2006, 19:20 Prispevkov: 2810

Dobro jih šopa tale tvoj prijatelj. Angel

Še en iz zaloge domačih hudobnih:

Na neki zabavi se pogovarjata starejša gospa in upokojeni profesor.

Ona se mu potoži: "Zamislite, malo prej mi je eden tu rekel kurba!"

"Ja, to pa lahko razumem. Jaz že deset let ne predavam več, pa mi še vedno vsi pravijo profesor."

Zho · Pridružen/-a: 07.11. 2006, 21:39 Prispevkov: 824

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